Hahha Speaking of Lamborghinis...

Chrysler Shocks the Shit out of the Autoworld!

No pun intended- Chrysler literally shocked the auto world with this:See that beast in the middle? This - This is Chrysler's savior.

Now- the Autoblog is not one to gloat, but....remember this?? HA! We called it! The next K-car isn't a shitty compact sedan- but a badass sports car! Look at the Viper-esque styling! This beast is based on the Lotus Europa's underpinnings, and man does it show!!
Look at the badass color schemes! While Ford and Chevy were getting off on their hybrid vehicles,Chrysler took the incredibly badass route and waited until they had tangible options to show. Holy shit. These cars were developed in secret too. In the age of the mass media and internet- they developed multiple cars, a multi-stage process, in near total secracy. Wow. The Autoblog doesn't even have some witty smartass remark for this. We are truely impressed. Here is thy savior Chrysler! May it work out!

A Little History Lesson in Badass

Back in the day, this crazy guy named William Kissam Vanderbilt II started an international race called...ready? The Vanderbilt Cup!

Willy K- This guy got more puss then you'd ever get

The first race took place in 1904, according to Wikipedia, aka the most reliable source in the world. People such as Louis Chevrolet and Scuderia Ferrari raced, along with the poon magnet Willie k himself. This wasn't a pussy Nascar race either- no driving around circles. Willy was nuts. Willie k wanted to drive around 30 miles of dirt roads in Nassau County. Now, if anyone else wanted to do this, the town government would of shit in their cereal, but since he was a Vanderbilt, they decided to let it slide.

In one of those cars, Willie K is getting more poon then you'd ever get

"But Autoblog- that isn't badass?! A bunch of guys with pedophile mustaches driving around a shitty suburb? Please..." is what you are thinking.

It is the mission of the Autoblog to purge you of your ignorance! Enjoy your slice of badass pie! This race is badass because at the time, Nassau County was covered in nothing but shitty roads. We aren't talking ooo quaint country lanes and shit, we're talking just really shitty ox-cart roads. Picture driving a shitty Buick Le Sabre on a twisting cow path at ungodly speeds, all while being surrounded by death. Now replace the Buick with a shitty 1910 racecar with not one safety feature whatsoever. The Buick looks pretty enticing right now don't it?! The race occured yearly until 1916, where it was resumed on a not so badass racetrack in the 1930s. After a 40 year hiatus in the 60's, it returned as a CART event. But no one cares about a shitty CART event.

Here is the Autoblog's stance, and professional recommendation:
Long Island should have a full blown rally race!

Picture doing this....

Here:

Now that would be fucking awesome. A huge ass rally race in a suburb. Someone make it happen. Your thoughts avid Autoblog readers?!

HA! High-end Auto makers are dicks!

Hah now this is fucking funny:
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com
/2008/09/16/check-the-timing-belt-on-these-luxury-cars/

So, as the economy tanked this week, there was a lovely auto show called Motorexpo in front of Merrill Lynch. As people walked with their heads down in shame and money hemorrhaging out of their asses, they got to see Rolls, Aston and Bentleys that they can no longer afford! What a nice way to start the day for the average white collar schmuck who is fearing their job security! Hah congrats high-end Auto makers! You are the dicks of the week!

Hmm. We can't afford THIS anymore. Guess we'll go shoot ourselves now!

Its funny though, this thing was planned months in advance, and these automakers had no idea that the economy would take a collective shit, but they are being called insensitive anyway. Regardless of these silly things called "facts"- it is fucking hysterical. Any opinions avid readers?! Leave them in the comments section.

Porsche wants to have it's way with Volkswagen

So- I dunno if you avid readers have time lately to check out automotive news, but besides the massive economic collapse of America, there is other big news:

Porsche is in the process of acquiring Volkswagen!

Das People's Car

The People's Champion!

What is very funny is that Volkswagen is saying that Porsche is "pushy". Germans, being pushy? No Shit! Who wouldadunkit?! C'mon Volkswagen grow a set of balls and do one of two things. Defend yourself, and do not be bought out, or let Porsche marry you in the classic arranged 18th century way. Well, regardless, maybe the Beetle will have a sick water-cooled turbo flat six now.

Just Pretend, for a second, that this thing has a Porsche Engine. It is both a sickening and awesome thought.

That would be cool. Really cool. Or maybe Brooke Sheilds will become the office spokeswomen for the 911! Whats more badass than the bitch from Blue Lagoon promoting a 911?! Is this move good for Porsche? Will they still be badass with all of VW's lame-ass baggage? We here at Das Autoblog say yes- what do you, the avid readers think?

World's First 8 Speed Tranny... man that sounds wrong

Lexus recently introduced the world's first 8 speed transmission. Or tranny. Hah- Tranny. Yes the autoblog made the same joke twice.

Lexus' new transmission

Now, we here at the Autoblog are all for the comfort and shit, but 8 speeds? Is that necessary? Why? I don't get it- someone explain why not 6, 7 but 8 is what is sufficient?

Anyway, you avid readers probably noticed why the Autoblog is now...Das Autoblog. Why? Well, why the hell not? German words look cooler, sound cooler and are cooler. Except for Schnitzal. That word is not cool. Just say sausage. Anyway- The Autoblog would like to ask you, the avid readers what do you think of this newfangled 8 speed tranny? (hah that never gets old). Use the comments section! We want feedback! We work to serve you! Ok thats bullshit, but comment none the less!

Happy 100 Years GM!

Happy 100 Years GM! The Autoblog salutes you and your many accomplishments during your 100 years in the auto industry. You gave us all the greatest hits from Buick, Chevrolet, GMC and the Corvette! You brought the small block V8 into the limelight. Your stock may be in the shitter, and you may almost be unrelevant in your own domestic market, but long live pushrod V8s (which are still friggin' badass. They eat competitors for breakfast) !But most importantly GM, the Autoblog would like to thank you for this:

This car rivals the Lamborghini Countach in terms of styling.

The 1983-84 Chevrolet Celebrity Wagon! This is the pinnacle of auto achievment! The car so nice you had to own it twice! This beast was equipped with a base 2.5L I-4 engine that produces an astonishing 85 HP. The Iron Duke engine was truely the heart of this car. If you got the Eurosport appearance package, you got sick handling/appearance upgrades. Did we mention that the Celebrity was the cousin to the badass Pontiac 6000?! This car was prominent in Robocop!

This car personifies all that is good with GM

Thank you GM, thank you for all the great things you have produced. If it is possible, please resume production of the Chevrolet Celebrity. We want to see the Eurosport model return as well, so we can outrun our friends in their shitty Ford Mustangs, and out handle anybodys Honda S2000s.

Love,

The Autoblog!

We love BMW

The Autoblog needs to come clean about something. We love BMW. We are extremely biased. Why? Well, today's flavor of the day is this:

Look at that dual kidney grill. Mmm fuck yeah

Do you guys remember the 7 series from Tomorrow Never Dies? Well, that was a really badass 7 series. Ok, so it was ten years ago, so howabout the Transporter's 7? That was more recent. The current generation 7 is not in the same line of badassery as these two iterations. Well, turns out that the new the 7 series is a bad ass luxo cruiser. This new Bimmer packs a twin turbocharged V8 that has 400 hp and 442 lb/ft of torque. Jesus Christ, I just shit myself. Also....get ready for this one kids- iDrive is dead. Deader than JFK Jr. (Too soon? Yes! Tasteless, yes!) The throne is returned to the 7!

Bmw blows the competition away!!!!

The CTS-V Punches old people in the face!

Apparently, the all new Cadillac CTS-V dethroned the M5 in this month's Road and Track. It was an even match that took place at Monticello, NY, and both manufacters sent their drivers and teams to represent themselves. It was quite a hellicous race with results that impressed us here at the Autoblog until we realized the following: The M5 is three years old, and the CTS-V is well, all new. Wow. Thats like punching the shit out of your grandma than striking a badass pose.

The CTS-V punching the BMW in the face. Yea it won, but is it truely a victory?

Grandma abuse aside, the Cadillac is by no means a pushover. Actually, it is a friggin' monster. Look at the specs. It sports the rather epic 6.2 L LSA V8 that generates 556hp and rockets the Caddy from 0-60 in 3.9 seconds.

Its cute...for a grandma puncher

The M5 has the 5.5L V10 that produces 505hp, and was hailed by Jeremy Clarkson after pressing the M button: "the car stops being annoying, and becomes, just magnificent." The Caddy has the power advantage, and a weight advantage. WTF? R/T couldn't find a newer competitor for their new monster? What, was the GT-R too busy shampooing it's hair to come out and play? I guess Caddy did benchmark the M5 (and why wouldn't they?) when they created and tuned the CTS-V, but c'mon. The M5 is fast on its way to becoming a BMW legend, and just got KO'ed by the young upstart Caddy V. The end of an era? Well, there is one thing that we did not mention. In the comparo test, the Caddy posted a 2:44:23, while the BMW posted 2:44:70. The difference was roughly half a second. A three year old car lost by half a second to the best Caddy threw at them. This, in itself, is quite impressive.

Still one badass car

Oh one more thing. BMW is currently producing a new M5. That sound you just heard was Cadillac collectively shitting their pants.

The Mitsubishi Lancer Evo X

Well, well, well, if it isn't Mitsubishi, the company that brought us such hits like the Outlander, Galant, and Eclipse (which by the way is totally a chick car...typically a hot chick's car.) Back in the day, Mitsubishi used to be the shit, but more recently here in the US they are on a bit of hard times. With that being said, enter the Lancer.That front end is aggressive. Aggressive is badass. Thus, the Lancer's front end, is badass!

I am impressed Mitsubishi. Very impressed. This is a very good looking car. Since you are reading this blog, I am sure that you know the Lancer's rich Rally past. So the question is, the car looks badass, but how does it drive?

Wonderfully. The Lancer is a testament to AWD. The car has so many options in terms of differential and suspension settings, I am surprised that this baby doesn't wipe your ass at the push of a knob. With the impressive 0-60 time of 4.9 seconds, and about 360hp in the UK version (why do we get 291hp? Apparently those limeys can handle power better...) While it is heavier than the Evo it replaces, this car is nothing to scoff at. Top Gear picked it above the Impreza hands down, which seemed to be an unfair challenge, for the poor Suburu looks like a tricked-out Jellybean. While the Autoblog loves European cars, this offering from the Japanese stole our hearts, and for a measly $35,000, it won't steal our wallets.

Mitsubishi, you F-ed up in the American market recently, but if you continue to build cars like the Lancer (which totally is not a chick car), you won't need worry about making a better Diamante or Galant. The Evo is just fine. Just build more Evos please.

Hello Suburu Impreza. My name is the Evo X. I am about to kick your ass? You cool with that? Good...

The Mercedes C63 is Bat Shit Crazy

While the Autoblog's parent website (www.savemybenz.com) is mainly about a Mercedes C280, the Autoblog must be unbiased when commenting on the automotive world! With that out of the way, the new Mercedes C 63 is fucking crazy. Not even like good "let's do it in the church when no one is around" crazy. It is the "As we do it I'll murder the shit out of you" kind of crazy.

Like every hot, crazy girl you may meet, this one fuck your shit up. (not in the good way)

Do you know how many horsepower this monster has? 451. The advertisements state that giving a car 400hp is nuts, so they gave it 451hp. Its true. Isn't that messed up?! On top of that, the power from the 6.3 L V8 is transferred directly to the rear wheels, and you have the ability to switch ESP off. In creating this monster, Mercedes had the M3 in their sights, and boy did they hit their mark. In all the comparo tests in the auto magazines, the M3 won (it is the darling of the automotive world, the sweet girl next door that does not try to murder the shit out of you), but the Mercedes C 63 was close. The only problem they had with the car was that it is too fucking wild.

Only the Stig mastered it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNDA7wMp8WE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T57e0q5Ebzo&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgeHE1grb2A&feature=related

So what is the lesson here? Well...This car can, and probably will kill you if you attempt to drive it. Buy a Corolla and play it safe. Unless you are the Stig of course.