A Really Badass Story

Today is a day that shall live in the annuals of HISTORY! No, a harbor was not bombed by those sneaky Japanese, or something stupid like that. My Mercedes C280 (chassis code w202) defied physics.

My car was not started in over two months, and upon last being driven, the car was deemed to need two things, gas and brakes. My Merc is a legend, for it is in the Savemybenz.com Parthenon of Badass for going ridiculously fast in an epic race. So here is the deal, my tank was basically empty. Nothing. Zilch. It had as much gas as Paris Hilton has talent. (At non sexual favors that is...if it was her talents in that arena, the car could of equaled Saudi Arabia)

MMM Carls Jr. ... MMM as much talent as the Merc had gas. Not the first time she had that much meat in her mouth... BOO YAH! (Ok I'm done...)

It started right up, and drove quite nicely for a car with 107,000 miles on it... I have no idea how it drove. It made it to the gas station just fine and dandy. So thats pretty badass. Here is the most badass part of the story....THIS SONG CAME ON WHEN THE CAR WAS STARTED:


The song's title?!?!? I'M ALIVE! BY HELLOWEEN! (off their classic Keepers of the Seven Keys: Part I album) How friggin' awesome is that?! No gas, NONE, and a badass song being pumped through the speakers! Shit. I think I just crapped myself at the awesome. The car might as well be the automotive equivalent of Jesus, minus the whole miracles and being son of God thing. I can rather vividly picture a Seinfeld retelling:

George: The car had no gas Jerry! NONE!
Jerry: How can a car, run on no gas! Whats the deal with that?
George: NO GAS JERRY! It's a Jesus car Jerry! JESUS! CAR!
Jerry: A Jesus Car.... It was a Jesus car! No Gas! Whats the deal with that?

If you don't know what the jerk store is, chances are you are their biggest seller

WARNING: If you retell this story around the water cooler to Jenkins from Accounting and that beady looking guy in IT, please make sure they are wearing diapers, because they will, and we stress WILL shit themselves at the awesome.

We love BMW

The Autoblog needs to come clean about something. We love BMW. We are extremely biased. Why? Well, today's flavor of the day is this:

Look at that dual kidney grill. Mmm fuck yeah

Do you guys remember the 7 series from Tomorrow Never Dies? Well, that was a really badass 7 series. Ok, so it was ten years ago, so howabout the Transporter's 7? That was more recent. The current generation 7 is not in the same line of badassery as these two iterations. Well, turns out that the new the 7 series is a bad ass luxo cruiser. This new Bimmer packs a twin turbocharged V8 that has 400 hp and 442 lb/ft of torque. Jesus Christ, I just shit myself. Also....get ready for this one kids- iDrive is dead. Deader than JFK Jr. (Too soon? Yes! Tasteless, yes!) The throne is returned to the 7!

Bmw blows the competition away!!!!

Two Badass Sleeper Cars

The Autoblog is a regular contributor to the C/D forums, and I found this little thread:
http://forums.caranddriver.com
/auto/board/message?board.id=8&message.id=11742#M11742

German Luxury Sedans are normally not known for their subtle hints at granduer. However, with their larger size, these rides are often soft and cushy. These cars however are not soft and cushy. These cars will tear you a new one before you even realize that a car can, in fact, tear you a new one.

The E55 AMGStealth Level: Four Ninjas out of Five.

This car is friggin' sweet. Recently covered in this months Car and Driver, the 1997-2002 E55 AMG is subtle power. It is the automotive equivalent of a UFC fighter whose day job happens to be a middle management boss. At the Gap. It has the 5.5L V8 that produces 347hp, and 355 lb/ft torque, with 0-60 in the sub 6 second range. Impressive indeed for a car that is older. And oh so sneaky. Compare it to this:

This car is as subtle as an RPG up your ass. Which isn't nessecarily a bad thing...

The Audi S8

Stealth Rating: Five Hitmen out of Five

The Audi S8 is like looking at your grandma who also happens to be a contract killer for the Gambino family. It does not differ much from the regular A8, but then again nor does the E55. So why five Hitmen out of five? Well, the S8 was created to combat the already established AMG line that Merc had, and no one know what the hell it was. This monster's 4.1L V8 produced 335 hp, the famous Audi Quattro drive train, and upgraded shocks and suspension. Plus, it offered that oh so underrated appearance that wins contests such as these. Look at the subtle offering of the current S8:

By the way- this is totally my desktop.

That is our selection of Sleeper cars for now. If you, the famed Autoblog readers have any suggestions, offer them up in the comments section!