When you turn your car on, does it return the favor? Hell No Bitch!

Apparently my Mercedes C280 is supposed to give me a boner when I turn it on. Apparently we are under some unwritten contract that when I ignite its engine, it is supposed to ignite my loins.

See?

Lets get one thing out of the way. This girl, Kate Walsh, is hot. I do not watch Grey's Anatomy, or have any desire to see McSteamy, McDreamy, McPedophile, or Mc Hammer, but she is quite the babe.

See?She can check out my anatomy any day! Boo Yah!

But- hot Kate Walsh aside, I just don't think its hot for me to be getting turned on in my car, by my car. Her, yes. Me, no. My hairy ass should not get aroused steering 2000lbs of sheet metal, leather and burled wood around my dinky suburban landscape. If it did get all hot and bothered by the simple act of starting my car, then I think i'd be suffering from nymphomania, and probably get into a couple of accidents. Enough of my Seinfeld-esque ranting, long story short- Cadillac, if I buy your CTS, actresses from girly hit primetime tv shows better get turned on the moment I turn the key. If I buy the CTS and it turns out that I am the one to get turned on everytime it starts, then I will be the creepy guy, with half a woodie, driving a car that I cannot possibley afford around my suburban town. Thanks Cadillac....thanks.

BTW Cadillac...this car was soooo much more boner inducing:

Fuck. Yes. Mmmm

The CTS-V Punches old people in the face!

Apparently, the all new Cadillac CTS-V dethroned the M5 in this month's Road and Track. It was an even match that took place at Monticello, NY, and both manufacters sent their drivers and teams to represent themselves. It was quite a hellicous race with results that impressed us here at the Autoblog until we realized the following: The M5 is three years old, and the CTS-V is well, all new. Wow. Thats like punching the shit out of your grandma than striking a badass pose.

The CTS-V punching the BMW in the face. Yea it won, but is it truely a victory?

Grandma abuse aside, the Cadillac is by no means a pushover. Actually, it is a friggin' monster. Look at the specs. It sports the rather epic 6.2 L LSA V8 that generates 556hp and rockets the Caddy from 0-60 in 3.9 seconds.

Its cute...for a grandma puncher

The M5 has the 5.5L V10 that produces 505hp, and was hailed by Jeremy Clarkson after pressing the M button: "the car stops being annoying, and becomes, just magnificent." The Caddy has the power advantage, and a weight advantage. WTF? R/T couldn't find a newer competitor for their new monster? What, was the GT-R too busy shampooing it's hair to come out and play? I guess Caddy did benchmark the M5 (and why wouldn't they?) when they created and tuned the CTS-V, but c'mon. The M5 is fast on its way to becoming a BMW legend, and just got KO'ed by the young upstart Caddy V. The end of an era? Well, there is one thing that we did not mention. In the comparo test, the Caddy posted a 2:44:23, while the BMW posted 2:44:70. The difference was roughly half a second. A three year old car lost by half a second to the best Caddy threw at them. This, in itself, is quite impressive.

Still one badass car

Oh one more thing. BMW is currently producing a new M5. That sound you just heard was Cadillac collectively shitting their pants.